Kowalski’s Non Alphabetical
Dictionary for Dummies*
One-Eyed Lady: The Periscope
aka ‘The Fat Lady’, or a very unfortunate woman.
Screw: A propeller, or
what we’d like to do when we get shore leave.
Bug Juice: A ‘Kool-Aid’
type beverage we used to use to clean the heads, but had to stop ‘cause it was corroding the steel. We’re not
called ‘iron guts’ for nothing.
Puss Rockets: Hot dogs,
or a leaking missile.
Baboon Butt: Corned beef
or that stupid white gorilla that ran amuck.
Hurt Locker: Sick
Bay or the Captain’s cabin after a Captain’s Mast. Also the
Skipper’s alternate cabin.
When the skipper administers punishment (or praise), or a vital piece of equipment from his sailboat.
Oscar: Whatever object
we toss over the side to test Man Overboard drills, or when Mr. Morton looked like that movie award.
Ping Jockey: Sonar operator
Sliders: Hamburgers and
Cheeseburgers especially after Angles and Dangles.
Angles and Dangles: Maneuvering
the sub up and down. Especially handy for skiing practice.
Jenny: The Oxygen generator
or that cute little dish in Accounting.
Baby: The original Flying
Sub as in the Skipper’s little dividend.
Banana: Slippery yellow
fruit or the Dive Team Leader’s wetsuit.
Apple One: The Diving
Bell, or what we have left after one week at sea.
Poopy Suit: Blue coveralls
Navy submariners wear. No wonder subs used to be called pigboats.
Gedunk: Treats not supplied
by procurement. (Candy Bars,
Potato Chips, etc. that we have to pay for)
Pecker Checker: The Corpsman
Whiskey: NATO designation for any old diesel Soviet Submarine, or what the Admiral keeps locked in his cabin
or Observation Nose, usually Glen Livet or Jack Daniels.
Uncertainty Zone: Area
an enemy has traveled by calculating time and speed, or what we get into all the time. (mad scientists, aliens, monsters,
missing bombs, ghostly possessions, hairy transformations, etc.)
reference to incoming or outgoing messages, or what we get stuck in on the freeway.
Sneak & Peek: Moving
super slow and quiet to find any trace of enemy presence or activity. Also what the fan fiction writers want to do when we’re
in the locker room.
Port: Left side of the
boat, or an especially fine spirit (not ghostly) locked in the Admiral’s cabin.
Polishing the Cannonball:
Taking perfect aim before firing.
Page 13: Disciplinary
page in personnel records
Movement: Scheduled departure
for a patrol or something Doc makes sure you had while in Sick
Emergency Blow: Pumping
compressed air into Ballast Tanks to force to force water out so we can get to the surface in an emergency, also what some
of the guys gotta’ have as soon as we hit port.
Burst Transmission: Coded
message sent in less than one second. Also what Sparks says when the radio is out.
*Disclaimer by Seaview Stories:
First definition is actually used in the Navy, second, well, it could only happen aboard Seaview.