Memo
From: Agent Catfish
South Daytona, Florida
To: NIMR
Santa
Barbara, Ca.
Re: Frigid Florida
No doubt you’ve heard about our recent
hard freeze. We can handle a few cold snaps; they happen. But when frozen fish wash ashore, we’re in BIG trouble! Help
us, Admiral Nelson! Help us, Seaview! Only you can figure out why the Arctic Blast keeps moving this far south and correct
it. (Without a nuclear charge, this time, please) Our baby sea turtles have frostbite,
hotels and restaurants are empty, no one is brave enough to use a hot tub because skin ices over as soon as one emerges; not
to mention that there’s not a decent coat or closed toe shoe or boot to
be found anywhere.
From: NIMR
Santa
Barbara, Ca
To: Agent Catfish
South Daytona, Florida
Re: Frigid Florida
I’m sorry but Admiral Nelson and
Seaview are otherwise engaged with more important matters than a little dip on
the thermometer. We have qued your request
and I’m sure the Admiral will contact you soon. As for the frozen fish, think of it as less of a drain on your freezers.
Try layering sweaters and wearing socks under your flip flops.
From: Agent Catfish
South Daytona, Florida
To: NIMR
Santa
Barbara, Ca.
Re: Frigid Florida
We have ice covered surfboards and kids
have to build their sand castles while wearing insulated wetsuits! Do you know how expensive that is? Toss us a f… bone
already. I’d spell out the word, but I’m too polite to use it. Surely Nelson must have some idea of what’s
happening. I don’t care if he’s off doing whatever. He’s not the kind of man to ignore us.
From:
NIMR
Santa
Barbara, Ca
To: Agent Catfish
South Daytona, Florida
Re: Frigid Florida
Haven’t you been listening to the
weather reports? You’re supposed to warm up soon. Quit gripping, and be grateful you’re not in someplace really
cold, like Minneapolis or spinning out of control on ice covered roads in Georgia, which like Florida,
isn’t used to such things.
From: Agent Catfish
South Daytona, Florida
To: NIMR
Santa
Barbara, Ca.
Re: Frigid Florida
Listen, you. We’re all very aware
that we’ve gotten off lightly, however, we don’t like being ignored when Nelson, with a moments’ thought, could do something to change the weather back to normal. Just what is Seaview doing now, anyway?
The last I heard, counting seals was not a national emergency.
From: NIMR
Santa
Barbara, Ca
To: Agent Catfish
South Daytona, Florida
Re: Frigid Florida
How did you know they’re counting
seals, the real ones, not the Navy’s?
From: Agent Catfish
South Daytona, Florida
To: NIMR
Santa
Barbara, Ca.
Re: Frigid Florida
I’m with the H.E.N.S. Agency, “so
secret even we don’t know what we’re doing.” But we do know what they’re doing, ‘officially’.
Or are they still mermaid hunting after Lee’s little adventure? Now, will
you just call Harry and tell him to get his butt down here and fix Florida?
From: NIMR
Santa
Barbara, Ca
To: Agent Catfish
South Daytona, Florida
Re: Frigid Florida
Message relayed.
Mermaids secured in specimen tanks for
later tagging and release. The Captain has taken the Flying Sub up into the jet stream to investigate while the Admiral tabulates it’s readings for cause and effect.
You do realize, don’t you, interrupting their investigation into the legendary
merfolk to fix Florida will postpone the photo shoot with National Geographic?
From: Agent Catfish
South Daytona, Florida
To: NIMR
Santa
Barbara, Ca.
Re: Frigid Florida
Florida
fixed! 70 degrees and rising. Whatever Nelson did, please thank him for me.
PS. I
don’t suppose I can join him for the photo shoot? After all, we had our own kind of ‘mermaids’ at Weeki Wachee State
Park.
From: Adm. H. Nelson
SSRN Seaview
To: Agent Catfish
South Daytona, FL
Re: Frigid Florida
Glad to help. And I didn’t have
to use a nuclear charge, but I won’t go into all those pesky details on just how we did it. Let's just wait for the
fanfiction writers to figure it out, snicker, snicker.
How about dinner the next time Seaview’s
offshore? I hear there’s a place in town with some really great fried catfish…er…sorry about that. You choose.
See you soon. Harry.
PS. Sorry but Crane had dibs on the photo
shoot…the least I could do since I had to practcially lock him out of the lab the way he was looking at the sirens.
It’s a guy thing.
.
