The female mind always manages to elude me.
Formerly sweet but now a bit bitchy, Lola Hale and Stalwart Angie, both of them encouraging, and setting up a hen party at
the beauty contest. A hen party, that I need to remind myself was full of sexual overtones.
It was bad enough that Chip’s head was
pasted on a Playgirl model, you know , the kind of model that’s male, and naked. The game’s object, to pin various
snipped up private parts onto his taped fig leaf!
But Miss Hale has really disappointed me,
in that she brought along a blown up full sized photo of Lee, which she’d taken during one of their bedroom games,
and he was totally exposed! If that wasn’t bad enough, he had, and I have to be blunt for anyone reading this, though
I’m hopeful that just as Lee’s and Chip’s blogs are private, so is mine, that no one will take much notice
of this, is that Lee was fully aroused in the biblical sense!
The girls certainly enjoyed pinning the tail
on the donkeys, so to speak, until they lifted Lee’s fig leaf and saw the real thing.
Lola called it a Hen Party. I would have thought
that a former girlfriend wouldn’t have done something like this even to humiliate him after a fight. But then I also
don’t understand how Lee could go back to her even if I still felt something making their relationship legal was long
Then, this morning when I passed by our own
employee’s lounge and heard ribald giggling, you can imagine my surprise, and disgust, that the damn party cutouts were
being ogled here! And that there was a third! Now, I was impressed that the model was a strapping fellow, ginger fuzz on his
chest. But I don’t appreciate being the butt of the women’s giggling about my pasted head over his.
And I told them so.
Within seconds, all of the women had vanished
and the cutouts were taken personally by me to the shredding dept., which was a fair walk from the Admin. Building, and damned
embarrassing as folks watched.
There was no problem shredding ‘myself’
or ‘Chip’, but I called Lee down and let him decide if he wanted his fully aroused cutout destroyed or returned
to his lover . Frankly I was disgusted with the whole thing. And while I don’t normally interfere with my employee’s
private lives, and certainly not those of my boys, I had to ask if Lee was into the ‘bondage’ scene what
with those bound wrists behind his back.
He said everyone played out little fantasies now and then, and he’d never consider
ever tying her up. He was always the ‘victim’ when she wanted him
to be. Then he said he’d like nothing better than to shred the cutout, but it was Lola’s picture after all. So
I handed him the naked picture of himself and returned to my office, letting him carry the blasted thing and endure the embarrassment
of taking it thought the grounds and to his office or car, whichever he decided on first.
Just then the phone rang and Angie said I
had a visitor. That was all I needed. I was about to decline when she said it was a Playgirl representative. Oh swell, not
we were going to have a legal issue for infringement violations….but I was pleasantly surprised when the young lady
(okay she was in her 40’s or thereabout) congratulated me on my open mindedness and that thanks to my staff's impromptu
party at the beauty contest, they’d received several more subscriptions and inquiries on their professional
Pin the tail on the donkey games and favors.
I accepted her praise, and bid her farewell,
but then she turned and said, ‘You know, Admiral, there’s quite an interest in the more mature gentleman. I’m
sure our readers would appreciate NIMR’s own ‘cock of the walk’, no pun intended, the real you instead
of just your head pasted on one of our models at the odd party in Santa Barbra. Here’s
my card…we can arrange a photo shoot quite easily.Perhaps aboard your submarine. “
I was dumbfounded as I escorted her out and
sagged in relief as soon as she was gone. Angie saw the signs of an impending explosion and quickly poured me a whiskey in
a proactive measure.
As much as I wanted to yell, rant, and rave
about what their little hen party had started, I couldn’t. For the simple fact is, it’s been a long time since I’ve considered myself a man women might
be interested in just for my body. Frankly, it felt good to be appreciated.
Nothing would come of it, of course. But I
placed the business card on my desk’s blotter as a reminder. ‘Cock of the Walk’ indeed, I snorted. Wait till I tell the boys about this!